For those who struggle with dancing, dancefloors can be pretty difficult places. A burning question that many such people have is ‘how to dance when I can’t dance’.
If answers like ‘just have fun’ or ‘just be confident’ are frustratingly unhelpful, then we agree.
Fortunately here at NTOC we believe in providing truly helpful and unique advice. We are allergic to providing advice that is not helpful even if it is mainstream.
Our principal author Jake is well versed in all things dance as he has 20 years of dancing experience. From clubs to dance stages, He has seen what it means to be a good and bad dancer. In this article, he draws on this experience with supporting evidence to give you the best tips on this topic.
If you can’t dance, you can fake dance (including being sexy) to a degree. Particularly useful techniques include visualizing and using a drink in one hand to limit your dance movements.
However, there are many other useful techniques as well. We explain the full list in this article.
Rhythm not yet realized vs beat deafness?
Let’s get one thing off of our chests before we get into the nitty-gritty. Is your rhythm not yet realized or do you actually have a clinical disorder called beat deafness?
So, what is beat deafness?
“Beat deafness or “dysrhythmia” is characterized by poor performance in perceiving durations in auditory rhythmic patterns or poor synchronization of movement with auditory rhythms (e.g., with musical beats).”
Simone Bella and Jakub Sowinski
Now before you jump in and say ‘that’s what I have!’, let’s give some statistics.
According to NBC beat deafness is rarer than tone-deafness. The National Library of Medicine has research that shows that TONE deafness only affects 4% of the population. If we read between the lines we can see that beat deafness affects LESS than 4% of the population.
So, chances are you’re probably not part of the very small cohort that has clinical beat deafness.
This is an important distinction. The reason is words such as ‘I have no rhythm’ and ‘I can’t dance’ are thrown around quite frequently.
Chances are, you do have the capacity for rhythm, it just hasn’t been realized yet. And this is a comforting thought for those who say they can’t dance.
Going for it: The having fun ‘look’>confidence:
The common but unhelpful advice for people that say they can’t dance is ‘just have fun’.
This sort of advice lacks meaning and context.
What we advise is to OFFSET your lack of dancing confidence with LOOKING like you’re having fun.
This is not said lightly. But if you have no other tool to draw on, this can be an option.
You don’t necessarily have to be having fun. But looking like you’re having fun can save you the awkwardness of people feeling sorry for you.
Of course, it is better if you are genuinely having fun. However, if you are reading this article chances are you want help dancing fast. Faking a fun look can be your saving grace.
There is also research that supports the theory that faking something can lead to genuinely feeling the real thing.
So, identify what you do when you are enjoying something. Next, use that set of characteristics on the dancefloor. This could look like smiling, laughing, joking, singing along to lyrics, high energy, etc.
Just be prepared for the feeling of hiding your true emotion. It’s not perfect but, it is what it is sometimes.
Pick 3-5 dance movements:
Let’s say you are beginning from complete scratch with dance and will soon be heading to a dancefloor.
A useful tactic is to pick just 3-5 simple dance moves.
Note we said simple. Don’t choose overly complex yet impressive moves.
At this stage of the game, your goal is to just blend into a dancefloor.
These moves could be from Youtube, from a friend, or from a class (either online or in-person).
Write these 3 to 5 dance moves down. These will be your go-to moves.
Now practice these moves in front of a mirror. Try performing them in a certain order. Then change that order up.
Congratulations! You now have some ammunition for the dancefloor.
Your moves don’t have to be perfect. The important thing is, you will have SOMETHING to use on a dancefloor.
Obviously, the more moves you can remember and do, the better. But if you can’t dance, this can be a good way to prep for a dancefloor.
If you do have the luxury of time to practice, then we have a fantastic article for you. This can be viewed here How To Become A Good Dancer: The complete guide people need. This article will be a reliable guide to take you from bad to rad.
Fake an injury:
This is a bit of a controversial option. But desperate times can call for desperate measures.
So, if you don’t think you can bring yourself to dance, an option is to fake an injury.
Now, you would need to be careful with this. You don’t want to spin a lie that gets out of hand. But a small lie can make your decision to not get on a dancefloor more acceptable.
If you think you might need to do this, come up with a suitable injury/cause before the event. Make sure you get your story straight.
In an ideal world, your friends/group will be supportive of you not dancing. However, the reality is, dragging your friends who can’t dance onto a dancefloor is seen as a bit of fun. However, for those being dragged, it is likely not very fun.
Given nobody likes to lie, it is best to use this as a last resort.
Use a little liquid courage:
Getting drunk to dance is never a good idea. The damage caused to yourself and others is notorious not to mention expensive.
However, for those who can’t dance getting a little bit tipsy can be useful.
Now, note we said ‘a little’. The key here is to know your limit when drinking. A telltale sign of reaching that limit is difficulty in balancing or fine motor skills.
You can even get to know your limit by drinking at home.
So, if you know that after 2 standard drinks you are tipsy but not drunk, that’s useful information.
For a more in-depth guide to alcohol stages, have a read of this article. For dancing, we would advise you to stick between a Blood Alcohol Concentration (BAC) of 0.02-0.04.
“At BAC <0.05 You may feel a little more relaxed, euphoric, and outgoing. You may feel a bit lightheaded, but you won’t have lost your coordination yet.”
AnnaMarie Houlis– Medically Reviewed by Annamarie Coy, BA, ICPR, MATS
It is obviously much preferable to not have to rely on alcohol to dance. But if you are desperate to get through a dance event, a little bit of liquid courage can help.
Focus on the individual, not the crowd:
When you are on a dancefloor, it can be easy to compare yourself with others.
This is particularly true when you know you aren’t a good dancer.
But the thing is, comparing yourself to others is not particularly going to help your situation. In fact, it will probably make it worse.
Another trick that our mind plays on us is that we look at a dancefloor crowd as a single entity. However, a dancefloor is just made up of a sum of individual people. These individual people have varying levels of dancing skills.
What can be useful is to look around for someone else who isn’t dancing well. Then when you feel the need to compare yourself with others, focus on that person.
In this way, you can reassure yourself that you are not the only one who isn’t a great dancer.
Drink in one hand=half the hands to manage!
When we dance, there can be a lot going on. We have our feet, hips, abbs, shoulders, hands, and heads to manage.
Now, a useful trick is to get a drink in one hand and then hit the dancefloor.
What this does is it gives us an acceptable excuse to dance in a more awkward fashion. And second, we have half the hands we need to do something with whilst dancing.
If drinks aren’t allowed on the dancefloor, use a light coat/jacket/scarf instead. You could even hold your phone and pretend you don’t have deep enough pockets for such items.
A drink is an ideal choice because you simply don’t have the option to do wild dancing. And wild dancing is the nemesis of those who can’t dance.
You can even give this a practice run before heading out, just to see how it feels.
Accept that you won’t be the best dancer, and that’s okay:
If you know you are a bad dancer, what can be useful is to accept this prior to heading out.
Whilst this doesn’t sound particularly helpful, it actually is.
You see, we humans have a biological bias towards wanting to have a good status in the social pecking order.
This is part of the reason why we get nervous before activities such as public speaking or a big sporting event.
So, pre-empt your nerves and just accept that when you get on a dancefloor, you won’t be the best dancer. Picture it in your head: there will be others who are much better dancers than you.
Also, remember that being a bad dancer doesn’t take away any of your worth. Sure, it’s nice to be able to dance. Sure, it’s certainly a cool skill.
But in the end, you could be Superman and still not be able to dance. Superman is still Superman, regardless of whether he can dance or not.
Keep your true worth in mind.
Talking/singing can take pressure off your dancing:
This technique can be used with friends or with a girl you’re dancing with.
The technique is to use talking or singing to take pressure off your dancing.
Let’s say you are starting to feel ‘the fear’ whilst on a dancefloor. Perhaps you are starting to feel like people are looking at you or judging you, etc.
At this point, making a joke or comment to your friend or girl can break the escalating anxiety.
A note here is to be wary of what sort of jokes/comments you make. The reason we say this is that in such an environment your judgment can be skewed.
The timing of talking on a dancefloor is important too. Try and pick lulls in music instead of a peak of a song to talk.
Another tip is to try and speak clearly and loud enough. But not so loud you spit into your hearer’s ears, no one enjoys that.
So if in doubt, play it safe with talking.
You can also use your friend/girl’s body language as to whether they liked talking or not.
Alternatively lip-syncing to music or singing to lyrics can also take the attention off your dancing. This comes back to ‘looking’ like your having fun as mentioned in point 2.
Dance and taking breaks: An iterative process:
Sometimes in dance, there is a certain overzealousness that occurs. Something about people losing control and removing all inhibitions.
We call it energy mobilization. What we mean is that some energy types that people activate make it hard to maintain a balanced attitude.
Think of a very productive person. This type of person generally finds it hard to stop working.
Or think of a violent rugby player. This type of person generally finds it hard to stop being violent off the field.
The same thing happens on dance floors.
The dancer will have mobilized their free, rhythmic, and passionate energy. As a result, instead of taking breaks from a dancefloor, all the normal rules go out the window.
But it doesn’t need to be this way.
If you’re not feeling comfortable on a dancefloor, you should feel free to take a break and reset yourself. Even if your friends want to stay on the dancefloor for an hour.
Think of public speaking. It’s usually the first session of speaking which is the scariest. But if you take a small break and then continue, you can start to relax into the speech.
The same principle applies to dancing.
Think of it as an iterative approach to feeling more comfortable on a dancefloor.
Choose a crowd:
Sometimes on dancefloors, there can be different sub-crowd types within the main crowd.
For example, in one corner of the dancefloor, there might be a group of rugby players. This group might be all drunk and potentially out of control.
In another corner of the dancefloor, there might be a large group of heavily made-up teenage girls. This group might be very gossipy and potentially looking to poke fun at someone.
In one other corner of the dancefloor, there are a few average-dressed guys and girls who look like quality people.
Out of the three sub-crowds mentioned above, the last type would be a good space for someone who can’t dance.
So you and your friends might go and dance next to this type of crowd.
This type of crowd assessment can mean you don’t stick out as much when you can’t dance.
Visualize in your mind what you will do:
Athletes and sports science have reported the benefits of visualizing for many years.
Your mind cannot tell the difference between focused visualization and the real thing.
It’s like going through a scenario and coming to know what you need to do to overcome obstacles.
Then when you come to the real event, your mind feels as though it’s already done this before.
This is incredibly useful for events that don’t happen that often for you. This could be a grand final soccer match, a boxing title fight, or dancing!
This visualization can have numerous benefits including:
- An increase in confidence
- Brain rewiring
- Being more prepared when things go wrong
- Decreased reaction times
The key to visualization is to make your mental imagery as real as possible. Paint a picture in your mind of what the scenario will be, feel, and smell like.
As you do this, imagine you are succeeding at your chosen activity. Imagine HOW it feels.
The next question is, how long should I visualize for? We have the answer below.
“Your practice needs to be consistent. 10 minutes a day every day, will always beat an intense hour long session once a week. It helps to make a commitment to practice your visualization the same time every day. First thing in the morning as close to waking as possible is ideal.”
Sports Physcology Today- The Power of Visualization
Congratulations, in your head, you have just succeeded at dancing.
Now, go to that dancefloor and do the real thing.
The sexy/non-foolish dance: Is it possible when you can’t dance?
Is it possible?
Many people can do the foolish dance. The foolish dance is where you know you can’t dance, but you embrace that. You will look foolish but it will be a certain confident foolish.
However, there are times when the dignity inside will want to look sexy and non-foolish. To be taken seriously when dancing, usually in the presence of a girl.
Is this possible if you struggle with dancing?
There is a certain mind over matter factor here, but also choosing the right moment.
What we mean is that to be sexy can be due to your characteristics, not your dancing.
Watch any romantic movie and the main character will have a way about him/her. It can be a look, the way you dress, how you talk, what you say, a touch, how you touch, etc.
Think of characters like Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice, or Edward Cullen from Twilight. Now, these characters can hold great attraction to many women. Not all women, but many. Yet you can’t imagine these characters being great on dancefloors.
So yes, you can be sexy even if you can’t dance.
How to do it?
The trouble with sexiness comes when you’re on a dancefloor.
I believe you can be sexy on a dancefloor if you can’t dance. The key here is to know WHEN you can be sexy.
You will struggle to be sexy in a traditional sense, aka gyrating hips and sensual thrusting motions. The reason is you won’t have the coordination yet.
But, if a more chill song plays, that might be your chance to slow things down and move in closer.
The reason it’s easier to be sexy when a more chill song is playing is that it’s generally slower. When things are slower, movements can become easier.
Another key thing to remember is sexy dancing will generally be about the girl. It’s your job to make her feel sexy.
Ways you can do this can be a ‘you’re so hot’ look. Or even telling her she is gorgeous. But make sure not to overdo it, no one likes a simp.
We actually have a full article on how to dance with women in clubs. This article will take you through detailed steps of how to dance with women. Best of all this guidance comes FROM WOMEN! It can be viewed here How To Dance With Women In A Club: Verified by women.