The question of how to dance as a man is an insightful one. Why is it that this is a common question? What makes it different from dancing as a woman? Why does an entire gender generally struggle with dancing?
Well, in short, we guys can have a difficult time when trying to dance. There are many different factors at play. These factors combine to present the male gender with its own unique challenges when it comes to dancing.
I am a man who has grown up around dance and maintained my participation in it into my adult years. I have seen and experienced what it’s like as a man who seeks to be a good male dancer. Let me say this, it’s not always easy dancing as a man.
This article seeks to identify how to dance as a man in the modern world based on real long-term experience.
For many men, learning to dance will require:
- Targeted freestyle practice
- Countering stereotypical attitudes about the feminity of dance
- Developing and maintaining a healthy and strong masculine/warrior dance persona
- Acknowledging that men and women generally dance differently
- Understanding and overcoming why men in general struggle to dance which includes social structures/dance opportunities and expectations
- Having resilience and persistence in pursuing their dance goals.
Whilst the above sounds intimidating for us guys, please don’t let that put you off dancing. This article will tell you exactly as it is and prepare you well for your dance journey as a man.
Practice freestyle dance, not choreographed dance:
This is the most important step in learning to dance as a man. So what exactly is it?
What is freestyle dance practice?
Freestyle dance is dance without planned steps, it’s essentially what people do at social settings such as parties and clubs.
Choreographed dance (choreography) is the opposite. Choreography is pre-planned steps and moves. These steps/moves are then rehearsed and remembered to a set piece of music. The piece is then performed exactly as it was planned, usually to an audience.
Why is freestyle dance practice so important?
The question of ‘how to dance as a guy’ generally comes from not being able to dance in a social setting. In these social settings, there are NO planned steps. You don’t pull out a whole choreographed dance routine in a club with a few friends on a Friday night.
But many guys who want to learn how to become better dancers sign up for something like a Hip-Hop class. In this Hip-Hop class, the teacher will teach CHOREOGRAPHED steps.
This is not helpful in learning how to dance in social settings! The reason is you are CONDITIONED to remember a set routine. What men need is to know how to move naturally to a beat in a rhythmic, cool and creative way. Do you see the problem?
For many men, they have never experienced what it’s like to dance well without choreography. This makes it difficult because it’s like trying to describe colors to a blind man.
There is hope though of course, it is just a process of discovery and practice. A very useful and complete article on this topic can be viewed here: How To Become A Good Dancer: The complete guide people need.
Always remember, formal dance styles such as Hip-Hop simply came from a person who was freestyling. Read that again.
Countering stereotypical attitudes about the feminity of dance:
This can be a controversial topic as there is a breadth of discussion out there about masculinity vs feminity.
For the purposes of this article, masculinity and feminity will be discussed in a physical movement context. Note physical movement context, not behavioral context. The reason is masculine vs feminine behavior is hotly contested. However masculine vs feminine MOVEMENT is easier to define.
For many men, the reason why they are not good dancers is that they don’t practice dancing. They don’t practice dancing because in many parts of the world it is/was considered more of a feminine pastime.
So a priority of developing a masculine dance attitude is to identify why dancing is/was aligned more to women. It is then easier to investigate if these elements are indeed feminine or can in fact be masculine too.
| Stereotypical feminine aspect of dance: | Counter masculine narrative: |
| It is feminine to express feelings. | Men can show feelings too, it is very masculine to be able to express sadness or anger or grief, etc through your swag and body control. Doing this shows you have gained a level of mastery over your psyche and also shows you are actively maintaining your mental health much as traditional men maintain their garage, nothing to be ashamed of. |
| It is feminine to engage in such a social extravagance that has no real practical use. | Traditionally men are practical beings, for many men logic, construction, and engines are what they are drawn to. Many men fail to see what the practical point of dancing is. However, there is a practical point. The practical point is that a master craftsman will lose himself in the experience of tuning a car and at the height of his craft will actually forget about the outcome. So too does a strong male dancer lose himself in the experience of dancing and forget about any particular outcome. Or the way a master rugby player will play rugby for the experience itself and not the outcome of the game, so too can a male dancer. |
| If you dance, you are that one step closer to liking Ballet. | Ballet is one of the pillars of the dance world, it has been around for centuries and often the realm of the elite aristocrats and petite graceful women in tutus, hardly the stuff of a masculine blue-collar image. However, instead of viewing Ballet this way, the open-minded man who is comfortable with his sexuality can view Ballet dancers as masters of their craft. The strength, agility, and flexibility of professional Ballet dancers is incredible. If this view is too far of a jump for some men, then another way of looking at this is, just because you like to dance, does not mean you immediately like Ballet or do Ballet. |
| To dance is to point your toes, use delicate poses, gyrate your hips and flaunt your body. | This is a big one. There are movements that are more feminine and movements that are more masculine. Take shoulder posture for example: Drawing your shoulders back and down to present a narrow shoulder width with a graceful neckline and highlighting your chest is perhaps more feminine. But widening your shoulders and rotating them inwards may present muscular lats and traps which is more masculine. Another example is having your feet together and swaying your hips which might be more feminine. A more masculine move might be having your feet widely planted apart and moving your knees to highlight your quads (think of the New Zealand Haka). |
| Dance classes are only for girls. | This is a subtle but impactful one because the narrative modern society tells us is that men and women are gender-equal. However, it is more complex than that which harks back to our primitive and biological differences. The reason for this is because as you get older as a man, the dance classes you may go to are frequently full of women. The issue is that this can be daunting as a straight man as these classes definitely have the vibe of a ‘girls club’ and sometimes as a man, it can be hard to fit in. There is usually only one straight man in a dance class (nothing against gay men, it’s just the gay men tend to connect more with the women in the class than the one straight guy). The masculine narrative here is that it is very masculine to stand up and lead the way for men in a dance class full of women, to be comfortable enough in your own sexuality and your own motivation (aka you are not just there to hit on women). It is also masculine to have resilience and relaxation in the face of a daunting gender environment. |
Develop a masculine/warrior dance persona:
Cultivating a masculine/warrior persona whilst dancing is a subtle thing but very powerful. When men dance freestyle, they should cast aside all of society’s restrictive expectations, pleasantries, and social etiquettes.
This is their time to show emotion, which can include being gritty, edgy, frustrated or even aggressive. Most importantly they can do this in a very pure, unfettered, direct, and harmless way.
What is a masculine/warrior dance persona?
Let me paint a picture for you. Imagine a 25-year-old man who has a desk job. This desk job may not be a satisfying job.
Each day he will arrive at work as a fit young man and enter data, for 8 hours. There is very little outlet for his energy and aspirations.
So, when he comes home after work each day, he puts on some strong music such as this one:
This type of song acts as a beacon for his energy as a young man.
When he dances to this music his movements are sharp and quick, his shoulders broad, his stance athletic and strong.
His persona and attitude will be ‘this is the real ‘me’, not the ‘me’ at my dry desk job’.
Putting this persona into practice:
So, when you dance, try and do so in a way that is confident, relaxed, strong, proud, in control, and dignified, as if you are a warrior.
Take yourself seriously whilst you dance, and respect yourself. See in the mirror the man that you feel you are deep down, or the man you want to be.
For example, this is your time to
- Not have to be under anyone’s thumb whether it be at work or elsewhere
- Not have to be diplomatic with resolving any poor behavior that you may face
- Release any energy and be like straight fire.
Read this paragraph again.
I am not saying don’t address any issues in real life. But life has a habit of being a struggle sometimes. So acknowledge that and channel it into a strong character-building exercise.
The benefits of a dance persona:
In this way, creating this dance persona can be therapeutic and character-building. Interestingly many elite athletes create such personas which they bring out during their competition.
Take the legendary heavyweight world champion boxer Mike Tyson for example. He has said that before he entered the ring he used to cry.
The reason was that his boxing persona, whilst fearless and ferocious, brought in “jealousy, envy, guilt and a lot of other stuff”. Unfortunately, his athletic persona had negative elements but was clearly a key to his success in the ring.
In another example, Simon Marshall addresses this in his book ‘The Brave Athlete’. Marshall is an elite sports psychologist and he talks about creating such personas to assist in sporting performance.
In another example, George St Pierre, who is a hall of fame mixed martial artist, talks about this too.
He mentions how before a fight, he would talk to himself in a mirror. He would tell himself ‘how much faster, stronger, more disciplined, more trained and creative’ he was compared to his opponent.
He would ‘gee’ himself up. You can see how he was encouraging himself to become his warrior persona. Whilst the normal everyday St Pierre is one of the nicest guys you will ever meet.
This might give some insight into the depth and strength and capability of such personas.
The link between dancing and fighting:
In some cultures how well a man can dance is a reflection of how well he can fight.
Now, not everything about dancing is useful in a fight, such as a slow hip rotation. However, dancing does share many similarities with fighting. These can include:
- Balance
- Coordination
- Agility
- General body control
- And harnessing a movement to deliver maximum effect.
‘The ancient elite warriors of Sparta actually regarded music and dancing as an essential part of their military training (even at the expense of reading and writing).’
‘Battle was described as the dancing floors of war and a group of male dancers that could move together in a coordinated fashion made for a formidable phalanx.’
‘The Spartans spent much time drilling the rhythmic changes of direction and pace to war music. The Spartans earned the reputation of being the most musical and most warlike people.’
30.40 of ‘The Spartans (Ancient Greece Documentary)’ by world history documentaries.
Acknowledge that men and women generally dance differently:
The way women and men dance can be quite different. Now in many countries, the majority of people who dance are women, as are the teachers.
So you can see how guys can be a bit lost as to how to dance as a man, given the lack of male dance role models.
So it’s important for us men to realize that we don’t have to dance like women. Don’t get it wrong, women are fantastic dancers, it’s just men and women tend to dance differently.
For example, a classic difference is the amount of muscle a man might have compared to a woman. This muscle might prevent a man from moving as freely as a woman. But for a man, this muscle might mean shorter and sharper moves for example.
So, showcase the grit and strength, and nuances of your male gender. Have a warrior’s attitude.
The movement differences between men and women:
Psychologists at Northumbria University in Newcastle, England found that men and women are attracted to different styles of dancing. They found that women tend to be drawn to men who:
- Move their upper bodies
- Use a lot of space
- And vary their movements.
Whilst men preferred women who:
- Included bigger swings of the hips
- and asymmetrical leg movements—meaning the two legs were moving differently.
So, it is proven by science that men and women do, and arguably should, dance differently.
For an example of masculine vs feminine dancers, take a look at the following videos. However please keep in mind these are extremes. They are also different styles of dance.
The point is to demonstrate some of the potential movement differences that can be found in the dance world. There are many instances where there are grey areas and cross-over movements.
John Silver is an incredible dancer and choreographer who has danced for artists such as:
- Neyo
- Jennifer Lopez
- Flo Rida
- and Beyonce.
I consider him to be a strong, MASCULINE dancer. Note how the routine below highlights strong posture, agility, sharp movements, and a high degree of control. All of which are elements of a warrior-like persona.
Yanis Marshall is also an incredible dancer and choreographer. However, I consider him to be a strong, FEMININE dancer, and there is nothing wrong with that by the way. Note how the routine below highlights more hip movement, flexibility, shapely leg poses, and arched backs.
Understand why men in general struggle to dance:
In order to understand why men are generally not great dancers, we need to look at:
- Social structures
- Social expectations
- The perception of emotion
- And dance opportunities.
Social structures for men:
A common theme in the dance world is that many children of both genders will dance. However, during the teenage years, men tend to become more conscious of being a ‘real man’ and fitting into a peer group.
In doing many men sadly steer away from anything which could be seen as compromising that (such as dancing).
Dancing tends to be seen as more feminine. Women will therefore tend to remain open to something such as dancing.
Try as society might to encourage gender balance, many men and women appear to still see dancing as a feminine pursuit. This leads us to social expectations.
Social expectations for men:
What are social expectations and what do they look like in real life?
Let’s say a straight man regularly goes to a dance class as a 30-year-old. Commonly, at least in Australia, he will be the only man in that class. The women in the class will tell him in a well-meaning way, that it is unusual to see an adult man in a dance class.
The women would be right as well, it IS unusual to be the only man in a dance class.
The trouble is that such men are keenly aware that they are an outlier in the general expectations/behavior of society.
This awareness can make a man feel as if there is something wrong with him. Which is of course, incorrect.
The perception of emotion in men:
Another factor is the perception of emotion in men vs women. Traditionally it has been more acceptable for women to express emotion and show vulnerability.
Whereas traditionally if a man is emotional/vulnerable he can be seen as weak or not in control of his life.
These are outdated views of course, but in many places these views still hold sway.
Now dancing is a form of emotional release. So you can see how men might be again at a self-imposed disadvantage in this regard.
Dance opportunities for men:
Because of the above men tend to have a reduced chance of feeling comfortable around dance in adulthood.
Even if a man can dance well, and wants to keep dancing, the fact remains that it’s an awkward space for a straight man because of the gender imbalance.
What this usually results in is men seeking out alternate activities which are less gender awkward for them. Men generally want to be considered ‘normal’, and just ‘one of the lads’. This will usually result in them joining a sports team.
All of these factors mean that men might be at a disadvantage from the start with dancing.
Have resilience and persistence in pursuing your dance goals:
The above article may make it sound like a daunting task to dance well as a man. However, this can be painted in a more positive picture.
Many men don’t bother with learning how to dance because of the above. However, at some point in their lives, they will wish they could genuinely dance well.
Men may wish they could dance well in the following:
- A night out with some friends and there is a cute girl that is on the dance floor that they want to impress
- Or it might be on their wedding night and they are about to do the first dance with their wife. They don’t want to embarrass themselves (and her)
- Or it might be at their daughter’s wedding or birthday party
- Or perhaps they are just tired of people always poking fun at their dancing.
The importance of learning to dance as a man:
At some point, deep down, most men will wish that they could dance better. They will wish that they weren’t so bad at it. Or wish that it wasn’t such a mystery as to how to dance well.
What about if we don’t find ourselves in positions where we need to dance, very often? This is a good question.
Well, it’s deeper than being opportunistic. It’s about musical expression. Do you really want to be limited to tapping your foot when a song speaks to you with incredible depth?
Or do you want to be able to show the world and yourself:
- The impact this song has had on you
- Why the song relates to you with such power
- Why it tells your story
- How the song is you and you are the song?
Remeber, DANCING IS MUSIC IN VISUAL FORM. Let that sink in.
Van Gogh once said ‘to truly appreciate a landscape, you must draw it’.
Dancers will say ‘to truly appreciate music, you must dance to it’.
It’s in moments like the above when learning to dance makes it all worthwhile. Remember that learning to dance as a man requires:
- Putting effort into learning how to dance
- Being resilient to setbacks
- Having persistence.
You might even find that it has unexpected benefits such as:
- More confidence/swag
- A fitter and healthier body
- Improved self-esteem
- Improved coordination and agility
- A deeper character who is more in touch with their emotions
- And indeed, improved clarity on what they want from this life.
Not a bad pastime if you ask me. Your partner and/or kids will likely thank you as well.
The ultimate end goal of dancing as a man:
As you become a better dancer, you will start to see that the true beauty of dance is that it is so universal.
The key is to get past the initial hesitation of dancing. And also recognize when you are facing a barrier to dance. Such a barrier might be a gender imbalance in a dance class.
As you progress, you will start to develop your own style which will show your character. Your moves will become more creative and more fluid and engaging.
In the end, you won’t be so concerned as to if you are dancing in a masculine way. But more concerned as to if you being true to yourself and the emotions you express whilst dancing.
Think of a boxer at the height of his craft. The boxer is not limited by stiff regimented punch sequences ordered from his analytical mind. He transcends these limits and BECOMES one with his body to creatively produce a knockout. There is no separation.
So too is dancing to the modern man.